Buckle up…

I always want to be transparent with my journey - only because people have said it helps, and service is something very high in my personal values...
I know it doesn’t necessarily showcase what I can do to help you - in fact, it sort of seems counterintuitive... but whatever 😆

I had been training professionally since 2004 - prior to that I had about 12 years of owning, showing and then running a lesson program for kids.

What I’m trying to say is I’ve been at this for a minute 🤣...

OK, ready for that I get naked part?

It wasn’t until I met Sandy Vreeburg in 2018 that I actually connected the dots that bodywork was more than just a relaxing spa day for your horse... (in fact, out there somewhere they exist a YouTube video of me spending time with her understanding it as well as a podcast) in case you don’t know who she is, she is a phenomenal bodyworker (and human) that is one of the trainers for Masterson method.
Throughout the year, she will hold certifications and trainings here, and I really, really started to see things different…

To make that mildly more embarrassing.
I actually am a certified Massage Therapist for humans, but when I got certified it was all about relaxing people…
I guarantee within my certification that’s not all we talked about but at the place I was in my life that is all I heard. 🤣
It all started to come together in my crazy human brain…
I discovered Dr. Joe Dispenza, and from one online event, my entire world was flipped inside out…
At that moment I realize that I had never even taken into account, the horse's nervous system… (nor did I even understand how it worked or why it was ) Or its body other than seeing the outside frame and where I thought it shouldn’t shouldn’t be for my client's specific discipline.

Which then led to Peter Levine’s work with somatic experiencing and then, in that moment, I realize that we were in fact, just basically intentionally/unintentionally putting trauma into their bodies…
Like if there was a formula, it would be traditional horse training 😳

You guys!!!!! I never ever ever thought about what was going on inside the body or the nervous system of the horse… Ever!!!

Now hear me when I say I did NOT get easy horses… I got horses that were showing an upper level dressage that had decided that they were all done staying in those silly circles or those really short arena fences- The horses that if you turned your back they would take a chunk out of it without a thought... the horses that someone already tried to start and had been through several other trainers before it came to me... That’s all I had 🤣

The basis of my training programs and protocols have always been to make the people feel safe, but my version of safe back then was basically making sure that their horses behaved in a way that was easy for the human to handle. Which probably looking back didn’t actually make the horse feel safe at all. 🤦🏻‍♀️ and it was quite a long time ago when I look back, I don’t recall horses feeling shut down, fearful or upset when I was around…

Like they all greeted me at the stall and seemed like they liked me, but looking back I don’t know why... and this is where we learn that they are quite possibly the most forgiving and graceful creatures that walk this planet… Because they knew I didn’t know…

And they knew that they were teaching me. They held the space even if it was unfair for them.

Never ever did I think any of the things I was doing to these horses was wrong or harmful…
It never literally ever crossed my mind!!!

Let me go ahead and hang my underwear right out in the front yard flagpole for you right now...

-I have tied the reins to the stirrups and worked them in circles to “get them soft”
-I have held their face and spurred their belly until their “back came up”

-I have “pulled them around and kicked them in their side until they followed their nose”

You get the idea- now what I will say is I have been training barns that are operating at high levels and I will tell you the list that I just gave you above is nothing compared to the things that I have seen...

But I will ALSO tell you in the minds of those that are doing these things. I don’t think it ever comes from a place of hatred or disdain for horses…

It comes from a place of this is the way it’s been done and this is how it is.... these aren’t people that don’t like horses…

These are people that are passionate about horses, and they’re passionate about the sport…
But for so many generations, the horse itself has been overlooked.

I can’t hate them because I was them…
I can’t reject what they do, because I would be rejecting a part of my history- I would be dishonoring the horses that chose to hold space for me in that time of my life... knowing where I would end up I would never disrespect their souls' choices to do that for me...

So what I take into my everyday life as I move forward into a space where I promise people can have seeds planted of a different way…
One that incorporates, deep knowledge, and understanding of how their mind-body and spirit works…

But in a way they can hear it because we are not shouting with our pitchforks.

It’s hard to know what you know and look and see what’s happening around… But also remember those souls chose their path for a reason…
Maybe it’s for the same reason that the horses that shared space with me in my journey chose theirs...

The one thing that I have incredibly low tolerance, for though is the ones that know, and choose to not honor them… This is where my own deeper work is still swirling…
For the people out there that do have an understanding of how these things work, and just simply don’t care…
They simply do anyways for “success” or the money or whatever the hell they think is important and missing in their life.
I’d like to be able to come through a space of grace for them but I’m not quite there yet
It becomes about the unwillingness to do the work on your own ego and your own values…

Sometime that means less money…

Sometimes that means being rejected…

Sometimes that means not looking how things should look and having to deal with the shame that comes around that if that happens…

And for some, it’s easier just to put your head down and do the things you’ve always done… I don’t know how you live like that because I never could…
But there are a lot of things I don’t understand in the world and I guess I don’t need to.

In life, we have choices to give our energy in a way that can either make a difference or not…
Most of the time I choose to stick with my own journey experiences, because it’s safe…

To my colleagues out there that are deeply educated in many ways who can move through the space with grace and the right words, and understanding to articulate things that I cannot, are hands down my favorite people…
That is not me right now, but maybe one day…
But not now, so I leave that for them ♥️

The beauty, and what I know my Dharma is, is that I don’t have to know all of these things… I have to know who I am, and what I know and stay open and a forever student of the horse, and of those who I respect around me…
Not because they have a big following or paint a pretty pretty picture… Because time and time again, they show up in integrity, and the focus is always for the horse...

My passion is creating events where we bring multiple trainers with their own medicine altogether to plant seeds with love and grace, and a dash of fuck off to tradition if we need to…
All for the horse

This deep awakening that they are bringing forward for humanity is something that cannot be ignored

I’m so honored and willing to show up in my power so that others can do the same… I’m scared shitless for 50% of the things I’m doing this year but I just continue moving forward because if I don’t… All of the horses efforts that chose to have grace with me through my periods of learning, will all be in vain- and I would never do that to them… I may may not have honored them in the best way that I could have back then, but I sure can now and I intend to do so no matter what ♥️